Signs of Going Through the Motions

How many times do we question ourselves, asking what in the hell am I doing?  

You may find yourself in situations that you are yet so absent from...just going through the motions. Well, I have had many of those moments. My question is how long will you be absent from life?  No heart or passion for the experience you chose to make yourself apart of.  What have you proven to yourself? The zone of  "just existing" can be costly. We must take control of  our lives and be apart of the experience of choosing a path that brings inner peace.

We should question ourselves...that is a good thing sometimes!!!

Ever asked yourself what experience was so bad, that I decided to be feeling-less. Sometimes yes you can have life experiences that can numb you...if that is how we chose to deal with a negative life experience. You may have gotten to such a low point, that you did not want to feel anymore. You reached a point where the emotional pain was almost unbearable. Just to be able to keep living, to keep going on you decided to live a numb life...and "Go Through the Motions!!" It seems like unspeakable joy is far from your heart...has no place in your heart. All you know is you never want to feel that kind of low again. You may have forgiven those involved but you never gave yourself permission to open your heart again.You did not trust your own path back to love at some point. So in a sense you leave a lifeless love-less life. When you own that fact you can do something about it. You will forgive yourself once you get over being disappointed with yourself.

How do you know if your going through the motions? 

Oh you know when your going through the motions. Your laughter is not even  heart felt.  You can meet new people and go through the whole introduction process and never remember their names. Why? Because your never really present mentally. You could careless, your going through the motions trying to look like your engaged in conversation...life. Your really not. Oh I can laugh at myself. I don't know about you but this was me all day... The good thing is its good to be aware of your issues. Now the question is...how long my dear, will you keep up this act. Just living, without a purpose or plan....well that is how it feels. Someone takes the time compliment your work. That compliment goes in one ear and out the other.

What are you trying to prove to yourself by choosing to live by going through the motions???

Oh yes...going through the motions can look like your living and going on with your life. This is the external look you give to others. Going through the motion keeps you in motion. Sitting in your room dealing with deep bouts of depression is no longer necessary. At least you have decided that is not how you are going to live. You have your broken belief system that functions without recognizing your victories or small feats. When going through the motions you can still matriculate through school and get all kinds of accolades. You can go through the motion in relationships...never truly loving the person that loves you. This was my life. I did things that I could not put my heart into. Someone is reading this and thinking...she knows my life. By not involving your heart you think your stronger...no one can hurt you. Your a little edgy with your words. To you it is you being stronger. Its a lose lose situation when your not living from the heart.

Why can this mindset be costly???

Never truly healing from the heart is always costly. A broken belief system,... as quiet as it is will be heard loudly in your decisions. You may matriculate in this and that but you will find yourself in situations that are not good for you. This is not a bad thing...the moment you look at yourself and understand what your doing and you can decide why you must change. That is powerful. You can't because that call will not go away. You will have times when you wish you could love deeply again. You'll have times when you fake yourself into believing your ready for that kind of commitment. Its costly when reality steps back in and you have involved others in your mascaraed. They only fell for the role you were committed to for a short moment in time. Are we horrible people...not at all. Beautiful people scared to love and live again. You may tell your self, an exit phrase, "I just don't know how to feel that way again." You cannot throw yourself in someone else's life and expect that situation to change you. 

What are the actions to take...for my situation?

 You must accept what you can not change. Embrace your past and stop labeling  your life experiences and lessons as horrible. Why do we only show love towards ourselves when things are perfect? We tend to appreciate life and love ourselves more when it seems we are mistake free. Understand, you will not have the answer to everything and walk away from life untouched by mistakes and let downs.

Understand your imperfection-less world never existed. Go back if you are able and apologize if you know you wronged someone. Guilt will keep you up at night. We have to be honest  with others and ourselves about are life experiences. You have condemned yourself because of your past. Come to grips with your past...deal with it...and please stop judging yourself. Forgiving yourself is the work. When you have self hatred you cannot sleep peacefully. When you try to sleep that is when you deal with the real issues of your heart. Then you wake up feeling terrible. That is  how you start your day. Instead of dreaming your reminding yourself of everything you cannot change. What a nightmare!!! The fact is, your still an awesome person...if you don't see it. You have to gain respect from yourself. I told myself, yes people have wronged you but I have done the most damage to myself. Go back in your past. When did you start beating , what is the origin of you beating yourself up?? Address that first. Was the situation that serious? Was the negative thought or belief you formed behind that situation even logical. Where else have you applied that way of thinking in your life. Was it worth the time adopting this negative belief as your own? That is how you have to look at it. Stop treating the beliefs you developed as a child as facts. Peace and blessings my friend. I know your uncomfortable reading this.. that means I did my job. Make the change.