Black Women Depression and Anxiety: Meditation and Relaxation...a Must!!!!

How offended do we get when some tell us to shut up!!! Well...truth be told sometimes you have to tell yourself to just shhhhhhh!!! Hush now!!!

Okay we have those days when certain experiences reminds us of a mistake or an outcome that was not in our favor. Certain experiences acts as a cue for you to pull out your set back card...when you are in the midst of trying to evolve and do better. How many times have you decided I am going to be positive and let nothing stop me. I am going to love myself no matter what it takes....I will not be negative when it comes to myself. Well all it takes is an experience we can not control. An experience that takes you to a remembrance, a negative place. An experience that acts as a little reminder...I am here because you f*cked up royally!!! Does that song sound familiar? It may be a little harsh, but that is the reality. Why is it...you find yourself in the seat where you have to be the motivator sometimes...but that case what is good for the geese is not good for you the goose. We have to learn and we have to be patient with ourselves. Be patient, and understand yourself a little more each day. Okay shall we dig deeper? I think so too.

How do you handle a past that is hunting you in your present moment?

First of all you are stressing your self out!!! Prolong stress along has a whole list of ailments to add to your situation.  YOu have to learn how to quiet your mind. You have to tell yourself to hush!!! Seriously!!! I got tired of complaining about the same thing all the time. Another unsuccessful year and all I got to show for it is misery and the same damn song!!! My hopelessness, sadness, depression, anxiety, and stressing did not change sh*t!!! I was like what is the damn purpose for me even waking up if I am going to be a willing participant in doing this to myself!!! I  got into a community that was really heavy on meditating. Hell I just wanted to be fixed!!! I remember sharing with the teacher, that I felt like I was missing something, that there was a void in my life. After all the bs that went down, I was left to feeling numb. He simply said...stop telling yourself you have a void. Tell yourself you have everything you need. TELL yourself I AM WHOLE!!! Well...I use to say why would I tell my self sh*t I do not believe. Well one day I quiet my mind and shut down my negative thoughts and asked myself why...why not be happy? Why do I have to believe the damn worst...why? Why? I said I got a right! I have a God given right to chose to be okay. I can chose to okay and at peace with my own story! There is know brain surgery or life surgery to be performed. If I am going to do better, If I am going to heal, damn it!!! It is going to happen through this mind...this body of mind will be the vehicle. It is going to start with me!!!! I accept myself!!! I accept the part I play when I made mistakes. I accept the part I play as a student who has learned her damn lesson. I accept the part I play in loving every damn inch of me as I do this thing we call LIFE!!!!  It is a NEW DAWN A NEW DAY...thanks Nina Simone...cause I DO FEEL DAMN GOOD cuz I say so and I feel so...so BE IT!!!

Meditation for the anxiety and depression...

I inhale through the nose...hold for four count and exhale air through the mouth. I do it four times or more. I do it until I feel totally relaxed. My thoughts...my mind quiets down and then the work begins. I began to speak things over myself. By now I am very familiar with the bs i fed myself. I have named that so called the truth the very lie that it now is. I wanted to feel sad so the lie a fed myself made since. It made since to accept a lie as a truth then. But NOW...it will not do. Now is the time to speak your new improved and evolved thoughts over yourself. It will work...if you know in your heart you plan to stay alive. You plan to be better when it is all said and done. You do not need to know when it is going to get better...just KNOW...know that you are better. 

Meditation is simply breathing through the process....

Sis...that is the only proof you have! Your breath!!! I don't care how ugly it gets, how hard it get...the FACT IS the breath in your body means you have the life force with you. You must continue to breath in order to exist. Breathing through it is something you will do. Meditation is you just setting your intentions on a goal. You are focusing your mind on a goal. Your breath is the evidence of the life in you...supporting all that you are able to do on this earth as long as there is life in your body.  Your mindset is there. It can be positive or negative. Not so fixed like the breath in your body...without it...there is nothing...no life. Your mindset is there..your brain is wired up to support your mindset. It is our fault if we do not use the part of our brain that supports creating good feelings, and healthy good thoughts. Inhale and exhale just to support a weak system controlled by a negative mindset...why do that. Do that everyday for what? Why feed your body that? Why contribute that to the environment around you? Inhale and exhale...yes and speak over yourself the only things you will accept and expect from yourself. Be determined to not use another ounce of your breath...your life force to support a self defeating mindset. Why? No matter how tough life experiences are...for now, all you need to know is you will win and have a better understanding when it is all said and done. Quiet your mind, shut down the victim and raise up that warrior in you. Hell to the yesss....do the work be the women you already are. Greatness my dear. I am human. I black. I am beautiful inside and outside. I am courageous. I am here. I am bringing others up with me. BOOM!!!!

Anxiety and Depression: Today Is One of Those Days!!!!

Look, I never said I was there, today is one of those days!

I am one who has chosen to live on and do great things in life. I have chosen to evolve and grow beyond limitations I once believed in. Ladies I can't tell you how hard this is for me. I can tell you the journey has began, the more I fight against the change...the harder evolving is. The more I try to go back to my old ways, the more I see that is no longer acceptable to me...nor is looking back an option. I will share with you things I have learned so far.

•  If I allow stupid negative situations in my life...I have to make the changes to put me back on my path ASAP.
• I get depressed when I feel unproductive. 
• You must contribute a specific work to your path everyday. Even if there is no income involved you will feel very productive.
• You must continue to love yourself through this process. You can only do that when you respect the way you live your life.
• Do not downplay your inner successes just because others can not see what you see yet. Check yourself when you feel the need to be validated outside yourself.
• Again, only doing your life work will create the peace you need in your heart. 
• My healing means more to the people in my life than it means to me. Your healing is not just for the good of you only. 
• You're not always going to be in company where you are celebrated!!! Use that moment to celebrate yourself in your mind and your heart!!! No fake smiles baby!!! Well this blog is making me smile!
• When you are able to easily think of things that you love about yourself, it is just that easy to love others.
• Heart problems are real. Keep running your broken script in your head. Your body will follow your broken spirit.

Yes I chose to grow and stay on this path. Is it easy...sometimes it is and sometimes it is not. I am a sister that gave anxiety and depression too big of a place. Recognizing that I have to take responsibility for my current mindset is important. You can't spend a whole d*mn day in the feeling crappy zone!!! Man, God gives us everything we need...to even get up and move forward. I now understand why I feel the way I do. That is good...when you know the source of your current state mood or state of mind. Sometimes the little girl in us ladies, needs to be told, ummm...it's not that serious! Peace and blessings to you.

Anxiety and Depression: Issues with the Increase!!!

Issues with increase are expected, but move beyond that!!! 

You're wondering what issue with increase? When I bring it home, you will understand the point I am making. Okay sisters....when you are a newbie on your path to healing, it is not a walk in the park. You, working with healing in mind, will make certain opportunities flow your way. How you handle these opportunities is life's way of testing you. As a result of your work the test will come and you have the ability to pass that test. I may have lost you or some of you may follow me on this. This increase issue is something I am dealing with now...opportunities are presenting themselves to me. The things happening in my life is a result from the work and seeds I have sewn. But guess what, that old part of me sometime says, this is too hard, I wasn't ready for this, or I would ask, what have I done now. That is what I call issues with increase. Most of the time you will doubt yourself especially when your increase requires more of you.

I know you want a clear example of issues with increase, so here it goes.

Well, my comfort zone was no longer comfortable for me. I knew I wanted more out of life than handling every bad experience with increased anxiety and depression. Pity parties got old. Nothing I did as far as negatively dissecting my life circumstances was good enough to confine me in a box. I simply wanted out!!! I always said Lord, please heal me or take me away if this is how I have to live my life. I remember faith without works is dead. Faith. Well I began to ask myself what it is I use to really enjoy doing. I knew I was passionate about  my music first. I knew I wanted to inspire people dealing with my issues..A & D. I was passionate about being self employed..or working towards that. I wrote out my goals for my income. I wrote dates on when I would want certain projects to be completed. I included my spiritual goals, my shows, online business goals, health goals and etc. Now the work. Well I will share with you my music story.

I have always done things that I really wanted to do. I don't care how much anxiety I had..my mama was going to have me in church choirs and plays. I don't care how depress I was...I wanted to and was going to make rehearsal. So I have always song from a little girl up, jr. high, high school, and college. I was going to sing. If did a play...it must be a musical if my hands are in it. If not a musical I am singing somewhere. Music fueled me in a way I can't explain. That is the only thing I would lay down my issues for. So back to my start in singing professionally. 

Karaoke led me to being offered my first show in April 2013. I tried to get the a band together, I had no experience with that. I left that job to my dad...he is a musician and could get the band together for me. My dad knew what I needed to work on as far as my social skills, so waiting on him to do it meant the band never would come together.  Of course I was mad at my dad. Why? Well it's just easier to blame others sometimes instead of yourself. So another year went by and the desire to do my own shows never left me. Go figure!! I still did not have a band but I knew a great pool of jazz musicians from frequently visiting this spot called 1048. Best live music ever!!!! Whenever I would go to 1048 my dad would pull out his A game. He could care less about my anxiety!! Out loud on the mic in front of everyone, my dad insisted and begged for me to sing. My persistent no was crushed by him say "get your butt up here and sang nah!!" My heart would jump out of my chest...but darn it I would go. Those moments led me to go once or twice a year because I knew the routine. Umm hmm embarrassing me. Those few visits only lasted for a little while. Now a days, I go there at least 2-3 times a month. What singer can pass up singing with an awesome live jazz band. So with previous singing experiences and an undeniable passion for performing, karaoke at the Village Gallery, wasn't hard to get into. And there was no one to demand me to get my butt on stage and sang!!! It's funny how we push A & D aside to do the things we really want to do. As soon I got off stage, anxiety would be waiting on me so it could be worn like a skin tight jacket. So tight you can't even raise your arm. Now back to the band issue. I had to take control and talk to the musicians myself. I had come to the conclusion that was the only way it was going to get done. I had to do it. In order to grow I had to put aside social anxiety...but how could I really control that. (Issues with Increase). 

Being an artist instead of a singer apart of  a band put me in a different seat. I realize I had to put together the show. I had to chose the songs and set rehearsal schedule. Leader. I was put in the situation where my vision mattered. Hmmm, I always hated being in a leadership role but that is the role I had to take to get this done. I mean I had been over stuff before...and some how I would get myself out of it. Like being the dance teacher at church... I felt like I was not qualified enough to teach for personal reasons. Excuses. But when it came to music, something I truly wanted to do, I could not just back down. MY MUSIC!!! REHEARSALS!!! It was so uncomfortable at rehearsals...people listening to me and I'm trying share my vision with anxiety on me tight. My dad was apart of the band too...demanding I say what I want. I did not know how to talk to musicians for real. I don't understand the music lango. I may sound stupid. Okay so I had to figure out how I wanted the songs to flow and the arrangement. WHaaT!!!! (Issues with increase). But I had to calm down. I realized it is not just about me. I actually let them know what I heard and envisioned. I had to see myself as the singer apart of the music conversation. The girl with A & D had to go...she couldn't get anything done. Plus the problems I had after the initial show topped all I experienced in the beginning. You guys that show just came together very nicely. It has not been easy but the shows after the initial show had there own set of problems. I kept going and each time...things just came together. Guess what you have to learn how to trust people again.

Being forced out of the comfort zone forces me out of my head and deep into the matters my heart. From that place you are able to share, create, and make things happen. My anxiety and depression is something I can't even reach for sometimes. Yeah when a new increase happens I get anxious, but I calm down and handle it better now. It is important to break through those barriers and keep moving forward. Increases are good. This may not have been a big issue to you, but it was for me. I went through the same issues with putting together this blog.

Your path puts you right in the midst of things you were afraid of. You want to get over anxiety and depression. You say you're ready to heal and do what you were born to do. It never fails, fears you are willing to overcome will take you out of your comfort zone every time. 

We are always tested so we can go to the next level. A successful completion of a test qualifies you for the next level. So I am telling you to be the student always...so you can become an expert life is trying to make you. I am a firm believer in God and his purpose for my life is greater than anything I could imagine. I know my purpose, my passion , my God given talent/work is greater than anxiety and depression.Understand that anxiety and depression is not and never will be your armour. That does not protect you from anything. I had to stop picking it up like it was some type of shield. It was my noose. It is time to cut the rope...I did that. My feet hit the ground and I am not retreating or turning back now. God is using my life to make me an expert at pulling people out of anxiety and depression. They are two strong emotions I know you can work through and overcome.

Anxiety and Depression: Black Women Get Beyond the Things that Trigger Your A & D!!!

I wonder if you feel like I felt. Tired of trying dealing with feeling anxious about every little thing. You almost can't stand yourself. BELIEVE it or not, that mentality is good..I will explain in a min. The key is knowing yourself...knowing who you were at the time you developed your belief about yourself, be it good or bad. Anxiety and depression is not  fun, it is something that you just have to work through. We are on this journey together, yes you're going to fall sometimes but the work for improvement in your life is worth the challenge. 

I had to get use to talking myself out of anxiety and depression after it was triggered. 

 I would ask myself why and how did I get A & D in the first place. I just want to be able to live my life normally. I just want to live my life without a negative perception of everything. Negativity stopped making sense to me but depression still was my safe place to go to. The fact that I received my degree meant nothing to me. I can see myself in my long black robe and swinging my tassel to left as the President of ASU announce the new graduates for class of 2007. Smiling with my bachelors degree in my hand but in my mind it was so easy to slip back to a time and place that reminded me of my so called permanent flaws. I mean I graduated with a degree. My college years were horrible because anxiety and depression reigns like a being kinged in a chess game.  I would often ask myself, when did I learn how to hold on to such negative perceptions. That is what triggered my A & D. When did it become okay to accept the worst and expect nothing good out of life for me.   

Well some triggers for A & D develop from situations you experienced as a child.

What experiences did you have as a child. Where you teased over your complexion like I was. Maybe you were teased over your weight. Maybe you were bullied. Believe it or not, you start to develop a belief system from those experiences as a child. At first you were fine...but the jokes from a group of people triggered a response from you. Some children would retaliate. They call that "having a comeback." What happens to the child that internalizes the negativity coming at them. You may recall feeling embarrassed, sad, or hurt. The mere fact that you maybe put in that situation again my lead to feelings of anxiety. Now when you see a group as a child...your anxiety is triggered from that alone. That process can get worse...to the point the building, classroom, or environment can trigger the anxiety and depression. We do this to ourselves with or own belief. Yes practice makes perfect and the mind just starts associating everything with a negative experience, therefore triggering your anxiety. Do to your response to a situation your body knows to tense up and you give into anxiety. 

Dealing with D & A is the result of holding on to negative moments from the past.

I have made self debilitating decisions willingly, because of negative feeling or emotions I internalized and nurtured. Some of the negative ways I still respond to situations started from childhood. I still remember the things I would tell myself. Though they were extremely negative...I believed it wholeheartedly. So I have grown to realize I was a child when I first formed beliefs about myself. I have formed and nurtured negative beliefs from experiences I did not process the right way. I was a child when I chose to feel sorry for myself. I did not know I had the power to be positive and believe otherwise. I did not know I had the power to say "So What" and the world would keep right on spinning playing out my life according to my beliefs. We are not old enough to process information as a young child but no matter who is in the wrong. If the adult is mistreating a young impressionable child, how do you think that child will process that experience? A lot of children internalize those negative experiences and come up with a sad conclusion. The child my feel that they are the problem and not the adult. When I was a little girl...I thought my dad did not like me. I felt like he was mean to me or did not care for me much. Let me explain the scenario.

First realize a child is a powerhouse. There imagination is keen. When you were a child, in your silent moments, you were forming with all your heart beliefs about yourself based on the world's perception of you and your understanding of your experiences in life. For example, my dad would be playing the flute when I was a little girl.. He got me a little flute to sooo, I would join him, wanting to learn how to play myself. Not know he is in rehearsal and my noise is a real nuisance. He would with quick anger hush me right on up. The way he hushed me up felt worse than the dark complexion jokes. I would go to my room and close my door. I would began thinking.. My, dad pushing me away...took me to a place where I would think of the things people said to me. I chose to concentrate and play over and over again negative things said and done to me. Each time feeling that sad emotion deep in my heart. So my dad doesn't like me formed to they don't like me. It is funny, but little stuff like that is the foundation of your belief system. A seed is a seed. Once a seed is planted, whether positive or negative, it will grow. It does not matter if your experience is ten times worst than my personal example. A seed is a seed...with the right ingredients, it will grow and what your nurturing will have roots!!!

So, yes tell yourself, a child will stay in a child place...and so will the negative beliefs you developed as a child. Know these beliefs, and the foundation of these have no right, no business helping you shape your decisions in your adult world. I challenge you to become a brain surgeon. Pick your own brain and cast down what Satan has tried to build upon in you; starting from when you were a child. This downward cycle is not one you will continue on. Why, because you are tired of this routine. That my dear is a good thing, grow tired enough to change. Break down those walls you formed as a child. You were a child, an infant not an expert in life, when you form beliefs based on negative perceptions. Like the cliche' says, "when you know better you do better." Peace and Blessings.

Are You Always Late for Everything? Lets Examine Why Ladies!!!

Why is it that you're always late for everything... your job?

It is annoying to others when you show up late all the time. It is annoying as hell to your boss. Your typical day may be you dragging in to work 15min late the majority of the time. This is not a reflection of just you as an employee but a reflection of your life, the way you look at it. Nine times out of ten you are late for something that you are not looking forward to doing. When you are excited to be involved in something you are on time for the most part. If you love what you are doing...you will be promptual for the most part. What you're excited about doing makes you feel better, it is just something you look forward to doing. You will be on time to do something that brings immediate satisfaction.

Are you late when it comes to meeting so called friends?

To them you are the person who is always late. Why? The same goes for this scenario. If you truly...I do mean truly enjoy the atmosphere your circle of friends create, then you cannot wait to be in the midst. If you truly, get lifted up, If you can truly wholeheartedly smile and laugh with this circle of friends...you would rush to be there.  If you truly felt the love, the trust, and the peace in this relationship you would be wherever you're going...ontime. IF you truly were yourself around your circle of friends...you can't wait to get to a place where you know your understood. You know what to expect, you know you're going to have fulfilling moments. So what is the real reason your late?

The reason you are late...brings me to an ugly but, for some, true conclusion. 

Yes you may need time management skills. But this is not the real reason your late. You may need a different shift...not the real reason your late. You may need , just maybe, to be real with yourself. Listen very closely. Stop doing stuff that does not add to you. How long will you continue on a cycle that does not bring you the smallest amount of joy. You are late for the job you hate...I mean hate. You are there to make ends meet ONLY. Your life is better than that!! Stop hanging with people you just tolerate. You get nothing out of the relationship/friendship. They dump all their business on you and when you want to vent...your simply cut of like your emotional world is of no importance to them. You are at fault for tolerating that as your reality. We do this to ourselves. Stop sending open invitations to situations you can't even be truly open to. Enjoy the rest of the day. Meditate. Pray. Start making changes now. You can love your what you do for a living. You can love your circle of friends and not just tolerate stuff. When are you going to be happy?