Another Year and I Am in the Same Place Again! Why Does this Keep Happening?

Sometimes it actually feels like you're in the same place and nothing has changed year after year.

I knew it is easy to look at 2014 with a bitter taste. I know I started this blog...but I am not perfect by all means. There was a goal list that I made. There was a daily schedule that I set. The trick is to get back on the plan..work it long enough until you are able to produce the results you need. So when I look at this year I realize that all though there was set backs...there is still growth. I continued to be consistent in area in my life and starting to see the benefits. I knew I had to keep performing no matter what. My last show was Dec 12 this year. The last show was the show a scouter made it to...just to here me. Let me back up...earlier this year I knew I needed to have a cd completed by November this year at least. I never completed that part. The good thing is the lady will be in town for a min. I have time to get my stuff together.  What happened and what is the point I am trying to make for you?

Why is it another year and you think your in the same place? 

I can only use myself as the example. Getting an apartment, getting in a relationship, full time job, and brand new car was not apart of the plan...these things were know where on my goal list. When you come up with a goal list or plan for success...it is soo important that you follow it through. The apartment brought more debt,,,cost a lot  to make it comfortable. The new car...more debt. The customer service job...brought a paycheck along with stress and more problems. The relationship was good but his past followed him. Lets say private calls from the ex over and over again was my new problem. Slashed tires and egg on my brand new car...police can't really do anything if I did not see it...they said. None of this is anybody elses fault. Non of this was apart of my goal list or my daily plan of action for success. I knew I wanted to work my home business and work on my music. I knew the income I wanted to make and the time frame I had and still have to do it in. I came up with a daily plan of action for my life. I prayed and was given the steps to achieve my goals. All these deviations from the plan was my fault. I am thankful that I stayed consistent in one area. I knew no matter what I had to do my shows. Staying consistent this allowed me to see how important it is to focus my attention on something long enough for the desired outcome to take place.

So, it is another year around the corner...whether it's your birthday or an actual new year...it really doesn't matter, you are present!!!

You are present enough to stop what your doing, I did that almost a year ago, and go back to the goal list. I learned alot. The fact that I did put in time with my goals...seeds have been sewn. I will reap a benefit from the works I have done. I have learned that the more I value myself and my time...my decisions on how I chose to spend my time will change for the better. I learned there is nothing wrong with seeing my flaws. There is nothing wrong with realizing you have more work to do...when it comes to learning how to truly love and respect yourself. I am not where I want to be. I am not making choices all the time that reflect the kind of character I want to see. It's okay. It's okay to have more work to do. It's okay to just accept I am better than I was. It is okay to accept the changes I have made and to celebrate that as a fact. It's okay for me to defend myself...stand up for myself when other's try to still that victory I did not need them to validate in the first place. Go back to the vision. Learn to be okay saying no to people. Your time is worth being spent on you being a better you Value your goals, honor your time and your God given vision. You have an assignment. Another year to see is a blessing. Another day, min, sec to work and accept the fact that you are more than enough is what I have learned. Let the problems from deviating from your plans serve as proof...that it is better to stick to the vision. Sow seeds in the vision. You can not question the goals and dates you set. Just do what it takes to plug back in.

When the Inner Guide Speaks...Please Listen!!!

How do you know when you are on the right track? What are the physical signs you feel when  you are off track? 

So many times we are striving for something that is not aligned with our purpose. In the mist of our workings and doings, all the sudden your hit with this bout of depression and feeling of overwhelming heightened stress that seems in-tamable. We come to a fork in the road when nothing can be masked regarding the frustration at a present moment. What do we do at those moments. Do we judge ourselves for feeling this way.  Its like why are you know happy? we ask ourselves this because, you have the man, job, family, you look like you have everything in order. Do you get over it to keep doing the same thing again and again, until this madness some how just irrupts again? Listen to the inner guide...unresolved issues screaming for release and for you to pay attention to their story is the key. 

Avoiding everything uncomfortable is not going to silence the cry inside of you.

If you are aware of an undeniable yearning to get over your personal fears...it is then undeniably time to grow. Your inner spirit is guiding you to place that is going to push you away from your comfort zone. There are not anymore days left to be smiling on your face to the public, while there is a raging storm in your chest and in the valves of your heart because of the stress that you continue to hide. Some of us never quite get over failed test in life. All we see is that we failed and/or this happen and we can never change it. You see accomplishments in your present moment that means absolutely nothing to you. You continue to remind yourself of deep scars wounds, that  lie opened and always fresh. No matter how much time you spend in the mirror or how education you get...deep down your dirty secret is that you believe you are damaged goods. But DEEP down inside you refuse to stay this way. DEEP down inside, you refuse to always fight this battle. What to do with the urge to want to do better...

Trust and follow the counsel from the quite voice within you....

Sometimes we are guided to share a part of our life's story that we despise...but your moved to share that part of life with someone. Healing lies in your testimony. Sometimes we have to pay attention to that that still makes us uncomfortable. You sometimes need to here yourself acknowledge the plight that started the downward spiral. Knowing the pebbles, the origination of our pain lets us track down the day we started turning pebbles to hill, and hills to mountains. You snatch away the sting when you realize a negative perception started from something so small. You took a theory, and you nurtured it into a well working belief system. We must acknowledge the power to change in us...that's all that needs to happen. New pebbles of faith, positivity to build a hill with....and to turn that hill into a mountain.  Rage and frustration is not meant to be silenced in the heart by ignoring it. 

Why do I still hurt...you ask yourself. 

I am this and that....the judging of yourself. The judging is justifies the misguided inner anger. Or even worse, ignoring our feelings as they still gain ground root themselves in your subconscious mind. Take the time to acknowledge the hurt...let it come and go as you take the time to say what if I know longer cared to be bothered by this? What if you say, what if I could laugh at this situation? What if I just actually believed that all is not lost because I have gone through this? What if I decided to just accept me like I should have done from the beginning? I wonder what will happen if I just released this negative belief? How will my chest feel? It would be lighter I bet. You have to take your self to that place of healing. You have to open up the passage for healing and happiness just like you opened the door and provided a way for the misery and depression. The key is in you. God can only guide you but not choose peace and happiness for you. He can only let you know that peace and happiness is abundant and abundantly provided to you. You have to say, I am not perfect, turn I messed up so much to I have learned so much. 

Peace and blessings.

Life's Stuck Moments: Seems Like You are Backed Up Against a Wall!!!

Yes we have stuck moments where it seems like everything is going wrong. 

Some of the stresses of life are out of our hands, out of our control. Under the circumstances it just feels like a great time to buckle and give up. But the true question needs to be, what do all of these blocks mean. I am constantly looking at my life and the parts I play in creating my blocks. Nine times out of ten, you have blocks because you are soo far from your goal list. You have gifts and talents, you made  a promise to yourself you would use...and yet we find ways to get off track to do what seems to be safe. Will this safe limited way of living truly make you happy?

Constantly feeling stuck and unfulfilled in life will lead to a bunch of health problems. 

Why is this way of living totally not acceptable? This is not acceptable because depression is at your front door!! Depression brings along other issues associated with its best friend Stress. Once stress is in sisters and brothers, you might as well offer a sit to heart disease, osteoporosis, diabetes, and cancer. Stress creates this environment for such a toxic body that just screams...sickness welcome to my body, because I will not know how to let go of what I cannot change nor change what I can change. When you buckle....you did not just give up but you invited again depression and its about to be pity party in your house. I have been there, in a place where I was just stressed about my job and my relationships. I dealt with the heart flutter...had to where a heart monitor for 30 days. I was walking around at work looking like I had a bomb strapped to my chest. I would complain, when I was the one who put myself in that situation.

You have to look at the feeling of blocks from a new perspective...a positive one.

On a metaphysical level, are you blocking your purpose by staying with a mate or job that is not good for you.  Are you seeing the part you play in welcoming the feelings of being backed up against a wall. How long will we as black women ignore the itch and the tingling in the middle of our head. That is already a physical sign of stress...a soon to be manifestation of baldness. The body does all it can to send clear signals and red flags screaming, "Hello, you are going in the wrong direction." Whip out your goal list, the list you wrote when you where listening to your heart speak and make decisions based on that list. The feeling of blocks are created in you...so you put them there. Your body,mind, and soul are not on one accord. You are not at peace with your day to day life ritual and the block is from you. What are YOU going to do about your unhappiness that you deeply and strongly feel inside you?

We must remember to not take our gifts and talents for granted. 

If you are not happy in your life...doing what is safe and living unfulfilled life is a sure way to safely cut your days on earth shorter. If your not stable emotionally your not healthy. A worrier, a doubter, complainer, or unhappy person period gets no sleep. No sleep is again, like screaming to to depression and stress..."Come have a sit and slowly deteriorate the quality of my health while your here please!!" Safe is not safe when your dreams have your heart rate going a hundred mile an hr. Your thinking about what you could have done differently if you just did this back then....Your thinking of all the negative things said to you...sleep yet internalizing all this stuff, building a more broken you just before sun rise. Notice I said thinking...because your not dreaming or really sleep. Not enough sleep, says "Hello disease...I'm taking applications so you can do a job on my heart."

Stuck moments are  signs and a cry out for you to get on the right path. 

Get back to the center of your core being. What will happen to you being under constant stress is an inevitable down fall in your quality of life. It is time to make things happen and please follow your heart. Follow the plan received straight from the Most High!!! Pay attention to your body and the improvement in your quality of rest as you pay attention to the real you. Your desires being met increases the quality of your life.  Your blocks are not jokes!!! Your unhappy for a reason...so lets change!!!

Distractions from Your Goals: Not the End of the World Ladies and Gentlemen!!!

Stop Acting Like Falling for Distractions is the Worst Thing You Ever Did!!!

The distractions will come. You may fall...you can use the fall to push forward more or you use that fall to reconfirm a negative emotion you feel about yourself.

Realize the steps you are taken to better yourself is a task in itself. So be patient in mastering this beast we call a negative mindset. Some of us have been through so much, that we allowed those negative experiences to dictate and support our reasons for just believing the worst about everything. For some of us the impulse to be negative about life's challenges is second nature. So yes, saying you want to do better is good. But the actions and developing a mindset that will allow a positive change in your life is work that you must do on a continual bases. Get out of your head that you cannot make a mistake or that you will no longer, while trying to be better/positive have deal with your negative emotions.  Yes you do need to be consistent about something no matter what. You can make the commitment of being consisted but be patient with yourself.

Where are these Distractions Coming from and Why Now?

I have said this before...you make decisions based on your own belief system about yourself. So take valuable time to ask yourself why did you fall for the same trap. Nine times out of ten, your old way of thinking still intact. If you are negative...the choices you make will not be good. If you do not love yourself, your actions will not allow you to confirm your love for yourself. You will continue to do things to confirm your hate for yourself instead. The distractions are bothering you now...AWESOME!!! To actually care is a huge step! You are actually upset because you got distracted by something that before, would not have bothered you. You see that the decisions your making is not going to get you to a better you. The key is to not beat yourself up for not making over night changes, not when you have functions from a negative belief system for YEARS AND YEARS!!! This is not the time to take on the I can't make a mistake attitude. 

Decide the One Thing Your Going to be Consisted about...Come Hell or High Water!!!!

This consistent action is a must do. This action is not associated with your feelings. This action is associated with only with the person you want to be. This action is associated with your passion. You will do this on a consistent basis. If you are a writer...you write on a regular basis. If you are a singer...you do this on a regular basis. If you gardener....you get my drift. Stay connected to the child in you. That child in you will bring you joy. That child in you named your passion a long time ago. Stay consistent about doing the action, the work, that allows you to express yourself where you are naturally and most gifted.  Get your heart activated in your life and your work. Distractions can not shut this down....do not let it. Again just keep going.

HELLO!!!! Look, Do Not Complain About Your Journey!!! Just Commit!

The journey to the person you see yourself being can be a tedious process...especially if what you envisioned seems far from reality.

I have a vision of myself...I see a MORE confident woman. I see a woman that walks with her head held high. I see a woman that is at peace with her self, life, her past, her identity and a woman at peace with where she is headed. Starting out my journey, I was like that strong woman I see myself as is soooo far from my reality. When will I get to just feel like I am at peace with any part of my life story. Looking at the end product sometimes can be so frustrating. I realize if you were able to see that vision, then you must trust the path your suppose travel is already in the works. Life has its assignments from God that you will be given. I could see myself singing. I could see myself writing uplifting inspirational songs. I could see a confident Shelley, singer Belle Moniqe, writing something on her blog in the about me section. I could see my monthly income being what i predicted. I could see myself performing live on a regular basis. I could see all of these things. But as I began seeing small changes...I would complain. When will the vision be a  reality. How long do I have to work here and do this. I would wonder when will I just know I am in the right direction.  I could not see that I was already on the path. I could not see the positive actions, small steps of improvements, were making ripple effects in my deep sea of negativity...because progress was not what I was searching for.

I had to realize, on my journey...you must understand you have to check yourself and not complain about the process.

Your not a horrible person just because you are complaining. I am not trying to beat up on anybody about this, because I know how it feels to already want to be at your best. You do get frustrated because the feeling in your heart does not seem to resonate with how you really desire to feel about yourself and your life. Sometimes a little acceptance for where you are in the moment can help you appreciate what is going on and what has already changed in your life. Realize that each new day is a gift. Each day you get up...you have awoken to a day you have never seen before. The breath of life in you...God has allowed you to be a part of a whole new day. In that new day another lesson learned, enlightenment can happen, a test is failed or passed...either way you will not be the same. We must not complain about the process. Sometimes it is good to just take the time to appreciate those in your circle. Its amazing how fast things can change...People come and go... unforeseen things just happen at any given moment. Again do not complain about the process. You miss the point, the lesson at hand when your focus is switched to complaining. 

I realize along time ago...that I must appreciate the process that is shaping me into the best me I could possibly be. 

Enjoy the process of  shaping yourself into the best you...you could possibly be. This is not just good for you, but the world around you. This process is good for the people who will experience you in their world. Someone is watching you on your path of growth. Rest your nerves and see the bigger picture for what it is...I still have to tell myself. Your final thought can not be I am close but not close enough. I am better but not good enough. What is that? I could be at point A but I have grown so I am thankful for the new awareness in me.  There must be gratitude. We have to be thankful...for the first step on a path to healing. Finally...steps and a path for healing. Be appreciative for that path period. We must learn when class is in session. Be aware of when life is teaching...and when life is giving you the opportunity to reset something greater in motion. Complaining will help you say yes to something or a route you did not have to take. Either way though...you will learn from it. So I will say it again., as I preach to myself, do not complain about the process. Everything that is happening in your life right is working towards to greater you.

Black Woman Validation Problem!!!!

The black woman validation issue is one I can definitely talk about. I guess I am accessing my current feelings.

I think back to when I was just a young brown baby girl. I remember little girls of a lighter hew and straighter hair getting all the compliments. The light skin girl was so pretty and beautiful her peers and even adults would say. But the brown baby girl was just plan "Oh you cute for dark skin girl." I wonder for those that were in similar situations .... how did your thrown second hand compliment make you feel. Did you want to hold your head down or yell to your peers or the adult I am black and beautiful whether you can appreciate it or not...not a problem of mind. 

I come the conclusion that as a little girl, the validation game was played everywhere I went. 

It is amazing what we will do to fulfill the need for some one to say oh, you are so pretty. Since I could not change my skin color I knew that I could change the texture of my hair. I knew I could make the hair straight...which "in my mind" was the best way for it to be. I finally convinced my mother to get me a perm in the eighth grade. Yaay I was able to french rolls and finger waves...but the wraps i wore in high school were my favorite. Finally I could purchase gel and slick my hair down and it stays down. Now this was my beauty products....I needed all this to feel like something was right, straight...thus beautiful hair...beautiful brown girl. Funny I remember when I cut off my long straight permed hair to go natural...later in college years. The old lady's in the church would look at my kinky hair and shake their heads while saying "you cut of all your beautiful hair!" I didn't matter that it was healthier or that with a perm...hair was breaking of in the middle. My beauty...the long straight hair was gone....ooooh nooo!!!

I wonder who was going tell the brown baby girl...you don't have to get a perm to straighten your hair. Don't you know you can where your hair all kinds of ways. 

Who was going to tell the brown girl her crown of kinky hair was already naturally beautiful. We go through so many changes to get that validation from other's. They say beauty is in the eye of the beholder. We should teach ourselves and those brown baby girls coming up how to be the first to behold and validate their own beauty.  Waiting for other's to validate is a sure way to get nicely set up for failure. Needing someone to validate your beauty means you need someone to tell you it is okay to be yourself. Now I feel that way...because when it seems like your cheer leaders for you are gone...people change..your stuck with your own anxiety. I was at the point where I did not believe in myself....the responsibility of believing in me was fed by outside influence. It is a shame to only feel good about the things someone else recognizes is good about you.  You are left with a charge to start validating the good in you. Everyday validate with your own voice something good about you. There is know no need to ask of someone else opinion.

Black Woman: Give Yourself Permission to Hold Your Head Up!!!

As a young and older black woman in America...I still remember the thoughts back in the day of a dark brown complexion girl. 

My mother, father, and brother did their best to bestow love upon me. I remember coming home with hurt feelings because I was heavily teased about my color. I would sometime cry to my mother. Being the lovely woman she is, she would wipe my tears away and tell me what I should say next time to someone teased me about my chocolate hew. I remember anticipating on the jokes...ready to snap...with an improved comeback phrase. I would say the phrases my mom told me to say...I look back and now wonder, was this healthy. I would feel good for a moment shortly after to just have to defend my deep brown hew again and again. Wondering  when will it ever be okay to just be who I am...and not treated like my complexion was this big gigantic unalterable permanent flaw.

Enough of the sad story but what I have said is so true the black young woman. 

Think of how powerful it would be to stand up for yourself at the moment anything concerning your beauty, your race, your complexion or anything about you is challenged. I realize you will never know your own power if it is silenced by our very own selves. How many times did we silence our self love, joy and laughter when the things we thought good about ourselves was challenged. Is it the fact that so many people outside of you had a problem with dark complexion, that what they thought must be true. Did we as brown girls make other's problem with our complexion...did we make that our problem. Did we actually decide to not appreciate are true selves in our own skin.

I just really felt like dealing with the brown girl...the Black Woman today. Our ancestors, the black woman, in particular was broken down. 

That matriarch DNA strain never changes. Our fore mother's were birthing babies under horrible conditions. Self hatred in grained in our bones in slavery. So yes, that self hatred rises up even today. In this America today we are still not holding our head up and proclaiming our beauty unless some other nationality straight wavy hair is on our head and eyelids for eyelashes. We, as brown women carry a certain bitterness towards ourselves and therefore towards each other.  We in high positions still feel like there is more to prove to the world. We have to heal inwardly. Through acceptance of ourselves, we can heal a bloodline. We don't have to be like our ancestors, birth babies in a toxic body. Let me explain. In the wombs with our babies we must not secretly carry self hatred. With dreams as big as the earth...you can not carry self hatred.

Brown girls why is it so hard to talk about the truth. Its not about talking to others with a woe is me story. 

It is about making a conscious effort to remind yourself of your beauty. Remind yourself of your worth. You are probably thinking what if you have no worth...then what?? Well, my dear, that is your problem...the world really doesn't have to do anything but continue to go on. The question is since you are here in this world...are you willing to do what it takes to heal your mind as it pertains to what you think of yourself. I would not tell you to chant to yourself " I love my self" for you may feel no connection to it. But the belief you have...name its origin and chant that it is false. Once you break an old negative belief down than you can replace with one that is true and positive. You and only you can do that for you.

I Do Not Have to Know You to Believe In YOU....I Just Believe 

Push Through Your Obstacles: Time to Get Results!!!!

The wall of obstacles we have to get through can sometimes feel like a never ending river of stagnation. 

This feeling of stagnation is enough to take all the fighting wind out of you if you let it. What the hell do you do when you are just ready for a sign...just a piece of a positive result that lets you the chance you took was even worth it. Why is it easy to follow suit...simply do what has been working. Why is it so hard for you to just do and be like everybody else...be at least glad things are as well as they are. Don't you hate when you try to follow suit, put your dreams and goals off, just for your soul to steal your sleep and having staring right back at your true passion again. Why is it not easy to move forward and at the same damn time not easy to just ignore.

There is only one easy answer...you created your own wall of obstacles, just so you can prove to yourself how bad you want your dream. 

Our dreams as children is slowly broken down the older we get it seems. This breaking down process happens slowly...each year are pulled further and further away from your goal/dream. What happened to that dream job you literally saw yourself doing as a child? You, before your understanding of "obstacles," believed deep in your heart this would one day actually come true. You let the limited life styles you were shown in your environment dictate to you what your reality would be. With your knew found reality you, like I did, had to alter the dream. We alter the dream over and over again. The question is what brings on this washed down version your dream?? 

As children, you find yourself, realizing there is not an obstacle large enough to keep you from your dream. 

In fact when you visualized as a child what you wanted to be...you just saw it and in your mind you literally  put yourself where you wanted going to be. In your dream you were already great and the best in your chosen filled. Things change when we in the physical realm play the name that thing game. We named that thing alright...we began to learn to name all kind of reasons we were too inadequate for our dream to come true. Each test was there to strengthen us...whether good or bad.  Each victory given to fear, each victory given to doubt and so on shaped our reality and shook are dream like an earthquake altering the very ground we stand on. Well some of us are much older and the test at hand is still the same if you plan on living the dream you claim was meant for your life.

I encourage you, to accept your part in the great wall of obstacles...your belief in the very existence of the wall keeps it standing strong. The brick and mortar of our own wall is one excuse laid on top of the other. So many...yet in your mind is the locked up gigantic wrecking ball and bulldozer that can knock down all this bull sh*t!!! It is time to get results...that is all I am saying.

Decision Made.Trust.Move.Foward

 We put pressure and cast judgments on ourselves when we do not face our own fears...that can sometimes leave you feeling like your up against a wall!!

But who is satisfied feeling like that?? Highly unacceptable and your not living for you...your just simply existing with your fears. This blog is a challenge for those, like myself, that want to take control of their lives and live life to the fullest. I guess your saying "shut up and say how!!" Well, luckily for you..I am like you...trying to figure this thing out too. Hey don't Stop reading my post!!! We can and will grow.... together!!! I can share with you what I know so far!!

Well back to the topic of facing yourself....I have things that have happen in my life that I can not change too!!!

What to do in these cases?? We hold these negative life experiences over our heads whenever there is an opportunity take a step forward. Whether your taking a step towards forgiveness to moving forward in your own business, you remind your self of your so called flaws and failures. Whatever it is...we have things we hold on to that crush the spirit of hope and progression. People I would attempt to open up to would  easily say to me "just let it go."  HAAA!!!  Yeah right...thanks for the advice. Well lets not just let it go so it can resurface again.

A lot of issues in our lives are connected to same mindset you had as a child!!

Now your an adult functioning out of your own self made belief system!!! Most of the spoken belief issues we have now  began early in our child hood years.  Don't believe me? Take a moment to think back. When you became aware of how others viewed you...you also became aware of how you would view yourself. What would you say after an experience that did not make you feel or look good according to others?  "I knew it was too good to be true", "somebody is always doing me wrong," "life is not fair," "Nobody like me!,"or "I can't do this!" You probably don't pay attention, but your saying some of the same stuff as an adult.  So just how powerful is my belief in myself as a child. Very powerful.  Having a negative belief system does not make you a horrible hopeless person. But you have to take responsibility to fessing up to yourself and first admit, "Yes I am negative." So the next question is what are you doing to perpetuate this way of thinking??

We do not face are fears, we like to use exit phrases to dismiss us from even challenging ourselves to change. 

Okay, what are exit phrases...what do you mean?? Okay let me explain.  What ever you speak to support your negative belief system...you use it as an exit phrase. Our exit phrases supports how we handle doubt, it supports how we handle opposition and life. I just named a whole list in above paragraph. The exit phrase is what you tell yourself. Its that self talk. You hear your subconscious mind running those famous lines you have always told yourself...even as a child. Our exit phrase supports how we handle people and life experiences period. Your exit phrase pretty much is the foundation from whence you make decisions. You need to do better but the exit phrase keeps you from moving forward. The exit phrase keeps you in your mindset, in your box, in your self defeated world. You will use in the present time...experience after experience to confirm your belief. You get in the uncomfortable situation and something in you pushes play...your belief system plays back every emotion and every phrase you have rehearsed. Shall we dive deeper??

Okay so how can you not be backed up into the wall of defeat!!! How can I believe what I am saying when facing my fears??

You need to go back, as far as you can remember, to the first situation you decided to give yourself permission to walk away defeated or sad.  At what moment did you say, maybe they are right, maybe something is wrong with me or whatever. From the starting point of exit phrases, defeated phrases, came many more. All of this help shape your negative belief system. This is your truth. With this negative belief system, this is how you actually decided to to see yourself. Your belief system is your mirror. It is time to face yourself...I did it!!! I always believed the worst of things..lived a very lonely life...I was angry...I was paralyzed in my WILL to go on. Time itself and time to heal just kept passing by.  I realized through in my own madness...that my life was a mess. I realized that I did this to myself. I created my belief system. Every time you made a mistake what did you tell yourself? Every time you were embarrassed publicly what did you tell yourself? If you see where I am going with this...you know what I am doing.

Now that  you have been given the knowledge to understand... you have the power to change your mindset...your self made negative belief system.  

Face yourself...turn your exit phrases into entrance phrases..turn exit phrases into..."its on  now!!" Began to own the right to feel like fighting your way up to a place where you keep going head to head and toe to toe with issues you have within yourself. This will work because, how your functioning now is not acceptable to you anymore. You got to my blog because what you have been doing is not working anymore. Reading my blog was the first step. It is an action to call you to face your fears. Your ready to stop lying to yourself because you give a damn!!! It is up to you to exercise or to deny that right. This is a journey that is challenging at first but you have to chose to journey out of your own darkness. That journey is powerful and very life changing. I am here to encourage you and to let you know your own a beautiful path. Everything you have gone through will be small as you keep moving forward. Write out your beliefs as they are. Here yourself speak your beliefs...define the origin of that negative belief. Some stuff you will laugh at...and say wow!!! I was just a child I could have stood up for my self if I wanted to!!! Some belief origins will make you angry. Immediately do to the origin of a negative belief you will tare it down. Recognize your right to love yourself and forgive yourself. Forgive yourself for not standing tall when you should have. Funny how you still have the same test...its just a knew day. Peace and blessings!!!