Black Woman Validation Problem!!!!

The black woman validation issue is one I can definitely talk about. I guess I am accessing my current feelings.

I think back to when I was just a young brown baby girl. I remember little girls of a lighter hew and straighter hair getting all the compliments. The light skin girl was so pretty and beautiful her peers and even adults would say. But the brown baby girl was just plan "Oh you cute for dark skin girl." I wonder for those that were in similar situations .... how did your thrown second hand compliment make you feel. Did you want to hold your head down or yell to your peers or the adult I am black and beautiful whether you can appreciate it or not...not a problem of mind. 

I come the conclusion that as a little girl, the validation game was played everywhere I went. 

It is amazing what we will do to fulfill the need for some one to say oh, you are so pretty. Since I could not change my skin color I knew that I could change the texture of my hair. I knew I could make the hair straight...which "in my mind" was the best way for it to be. I finally convinced my mother to get me a perm in the eighth grade. Yaay I was able to french rolls and finger waves...but the wraps i wore in high school were my favorite. Finally I could purchase gel and slick my hair down and it stays down. Now this was my beauty products....I needed all this to feel like something was right, straight...thus beautiful hair...beautiful brown girl. Funny I remember when I cut off my long straight permed hair to go natural...later in college years. The old lady's in the church would look at my kinky hair and shake their heads while saying "you cut of all your beautiful hair!" I didn't matter that it was healthier or that with a perm...hair was breaking of in the middle. My beauty...the long straight hair was gone....ooooh nooo!!!

I wonder who was going tell the brown baby girl...you don't have to get a perm to straighten your hair. Don't you know you can where your hair all kinds of ways. 

Who was going to tell the brown girl her crown of kinky hair was already naturally beautiful. We go through so many changes to get that validation from other's. They say beauty is in the eye of the beholder. We should teach ourselves and those brown baby girls coming up how to be the first to behold and validate their own beauty.  Waiting for other's to validate is a sure way to get nicely set up for failure. Needing someone to validate your beauty means you need someone to tell you it is okay to be yourself. Now I feel that way...because when it seems like your cheer leaders for you are gone...people change..your stuck with your own anxiety. I was at the point where I did not believe in myself....the responsibility of believing in me was fed by outside influence. It is a shame to only feel good about the things someone else recognizes is good about you.  You are left with a charge to start validating the good in you. Everyday validate with your own voice something good about you. There is know no need to ask of someone else opinion.