I wonder if you feel like I felt. Tired of trying dealing with feeling anxious about every little thing. You almost can't stand yourself. BELIEVE it or not, that mentality is good..I will explain in a min. The key is knowing yourself...knowing who you were at the time you developed your belief about yourself, be it good or bad. Anxiety and depression is not fun, it is something that you just have to work through. We are on this journey together, yes you're going to fall sometimes but the work for improvement in your life is worth the challenge.
I had to get use to talking myself out of anxiety and depression after it was triggered.
I would ask myself why and how did I get A & D in the first place. I just want to be able to live my life normally. I just want to live my life without a negative perception of everything. Negativity stopped making sense to me but depression still was my safe place to go to. The fact that I received my degree meant nothing to me. I can see myself in my long black robe and swinging my tassel to left as the President of ASU announce the new graduates for class of 2007. Smiling with my bachelors degree in my hand but in my mind it was so easy to slip back to a time and place that reminded me of my so called permanent flaws. I mean I graduated with a degree. My college years were horrible because anxiety and depression reigns like a being kinged in a chess game. I would often ask myself, when did I learn how to hold on to such negative perceptions. That is what triggered my A & D. When did it become okay to accept the worst and expect nothing good out of life for me.
Well some triggers for A & D develop from situations you experienced as a child.
What experiences did you have as a child. Where you teased over your complexion like I was. Maybe you were teased over your weight. Maybe you were bullied. Believe it or not, you start to develop a belief system from those experiences as a child. At first you were fine...but the jokes from a group of people triggered a response from you. Some children would retaliate. They call that "having a comeback." What happens to the child that internalizes the negativity coming at them. You may recall feeling embarrassed, sad, or hurt. The mere fact that you maybe put in that situation again my lead to feelings of anxiety. Now when you see a group as a child...your anxiety is triggered from that alone. That process can get worse...to the point the building, classroom, or environment can trigger the anxiety and depression. We do this to ourselves with or own belief. Yes practice makes perfect and the mind just starts associating everything with a negative experience, therefore triggering your anxiety. Do to your response to a situation your body knows to tense up and you give into anxiety.
Dealing with D & A is the result of holding on to negative moments from the past.
I have made self debilitating decisions willingly, because of negative feeling or emotions I internalized and nurtured. Some of the negative ways I still respond to situations started from childhood. I still remember the things I would tell myself. Though they were extremely negative...I believed it wholeheartedly. So I have grown to realize I was a child when I first formed beliefs about myself. I have formed and nurtured negative beliefs from experiences I did not process the right way. I was a child when I chose to feel sorry for myself. I did not know I had the power to be positive and believe otherwise. I did not know I had the power to say "So What" and the world would keep right on spinning playing out my life according to my beliefs. We are not old enough to process information as a young child but no matter who is in the wrong. If the adult is mistreating a young impressionable child, how do you think that child will process that experience? A lot of children internalize those negative experiences and come up with a sad conclusion. The child my feel that they are the problem and not the adult. When I was a little girl...I thought my dad did not like me. I felt like he was mean to me or did not care for me much. Let me explain the scenario.
First realize a child is a powerhouse. There imagination is keen. When you were a child, in your silent moments, you were forming with all your heart beliefs about yourself based on the world's perception of you and your understanding of your experiences in life. For example, my dad would be playing the flute when I was a little girl.. He got me a little flute to sooo, I would join him, wanting to learn how to play myself. Not know he is in rehearsal and my noise is a real nuisance. He would with quick anger hush me right on up. The way he hushed me up felt worse than the dark complexion jokes. I would go to my room and close my door. I would began thinking.. My, dad pushing me away...took me to a place where I would think of the things people said to me. I chose to concentrate and play over and over again negative things said and done to me. Each time feeling that sad emotion deep in my heart. So my dad doesn't like me formed to they don't like me. It is funny, but little stuff like that is the foundation of your belief system. A seed is a seed. Once a seed is planted, whether positive or negative, it will grow. It does not matter if your experience is ten times worst than my personal example. A seed is a seed...with the right ingredients, it will grow and what your nurturing will have roots!!!
So, yes tell yourself, a child will stay in a child place...and so will the negative beliefs you developed as a child. Know these beliefs, and the foundation of these have no right, no business helping you shape your decisions in your adult world. I challenge you to become a brain surgeon. Pick your own brain and cast down what Satan has tried to build upon in you; starting from when you were a child. This downward cycle is not one you will continue on. Why, because you are tired of this routine. That my dear is a good thing, grow tired enough to change. Break down those walls you formed as a child. You were a child, an infant not an expert in life, when you form beliefs based on negative perceptions. Like the cliche' says, "when you know better you do better." Peace and Blessings.
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